Le Psyche Diaria

MOVED. YET AGAIN.

2007-03-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

http://poetic-chaos.blogdrive.com

i just missed the old identity =) i'll be going back to basics.

BLOG BREAK.

2007-03-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

Doesn't necessarily mean a hiatus. Just gonna pause blogging for a while. ^_^

Emo is Gay.

2007-02-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

I don't really know if emo really is gay, but I'm not posting about what emo's definition nowadays is. But I'll probably get there at some point as I type.

I'm a little furious for an issue that is not really for me to be bothered by, I don't know why I'm so affected. Some sophomores from our school (WHICH ARE HIGHLY SELF-CONFESSED EMO PEOPLE. GAAAAH. FUCK THAT) was stupid enough to cut themselves, but I'm not sure if they used a blade (point is, they cut themselves!), their hairstyles are very against the school regulations, and when called to the principal's office, they took the chance to blackmail some of the teachers they hate and commend negatively on their teaching methods and the way they're being "ridiculed" by those teachers.

Oh, now I know why I'm affected. Its because napakalaki nilang epal. They're science high school students. They should know better. Hindi na nila naisip yung mga sarili nila (were they possessed?) at yung reputation ng school pag nalaman na naglaslas sila kasi it will be no one else but the school itself to be blamed for pulling that off.

I hate the way they walk the corridors like some rebellious creatures, and how pathetic emo's influence in their life is.

Way...way...waaaay late Prom Post

2007-02-25T03:12:00.000-08:00

THIS SUCKS. MY POST IS A LITTLE LATE. LIKE, HOW LAME AM I.

So prom night was WAY, WAY, WAAAAAAAAAAAAY fun.I don't know where to start. How

often do you see the people from your school all dressed up, their hair fixed, the cadettes

(ahem) looking so feminine...?!?! basta!!!. February 15 is definitely a date to remember.

I shall lose all formality in this post, haha! Kwento style muna ko, kids =)

I took off my heels at some point during the evening, but I eventually wore it back haha. The

venue was lovely, the food, everything! Even my hosting skills was put to the test (I was one

of the emcee's :] ) That night was like a dream, a trance, yet every dance,every smile and

laughter is three-dimensional.

I danced with Sir Raymund (our precalculus teacher), guy friends--Jay, Aldrin, Dan (he was

my longest dance and the most um, intimate?, we danced to three songs I think haha.Trust

me, we're just very good friends--it just so happened na may kinikwento ako sa kanya...ah

basta.),Jommel(woohoo!nominated for Prom Prince hehe), Allen (winner ng Prom Prince

harhar!), Josh(who was shorter than me, but nevertheless we enjoyed our dance!)... thanks

guys!

The party ended at exactly midnight. Medyo bitin, but its ok =) I didn't see a single

frown last night, even from the parents who chaperoned, they looked so energized

seeing us like socialites.

What else? Lots and lots of picture-taking, asaran on who will dance with whom,

more picture-taking of pairs [close to us] that we never thought would be so sweet on the

dancefloor (and also the pairs na ineexpect na naming sasayaw, but just waiting for the

right timing).

Gaaah. I'm seriously laughing at myself for posting this now,oh well. I want another prom :)

By the way, I'm very much addicted to Grey's Anatomy than when I got hooked on CSI. And

uh, I have a crush on Dr.Shepherd!Ü

February 13.

2007-02-13T05:29:00.000-08:00

Sadly (I think), I cannot think of anything to post at the time. I've noticed lots of people have become tired of blogging. Oh well.

I've been thinking for the past ten minutes about what to type in this free, blank space of online wonder called blogging. This is the best post I can come up with before Valentines =p

I want to...
fall in love
have my first kiss in the rain
eat pizza all day
contribute to world peace
take thousands of polaroids
jump and run on the beach
lock myself in my room and listen to my mp3 for hours
eat chocolate and not feel guilty about it
dance shamelessly
sing out of the shower
live in a large house with a music studio
adopt 10 dogs
fly
scream my lungs out on the rooftop
give roses to everyone on valentines
follow the rules next time
explore space
publish a book
visit another country and become a world-class traveller
manage my very own tshirt shop
learn how to ride the waves
ride a motorbike
go parasailing
conquer my fear of snakes
BUNGEE JUMP!
SKY DIVE!
become invisible at will
die happy

MEET MY CREATOR AND LIVE WITH HIM FOREVER.

UPDATES :)

2007-02-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

Woah. I survived one week without internet. Yeah. I wasn't able to buy my net card 'cause of too many (and I MEAN MEGA EXCESSIVE) expenses the past weeks, plus I've been busy anyway together with the Junior Club (as the org always acts as the prom committee).

Update, update. Nothing much, days pass more quickly, I've noticed. Ayun, my week pretty much rotated with fixing the invitation for the prom and helping out with the program's final touches...oh, and my parents had an argument last night over the phone. I've never heard my mom so angry that night. I've heard her get mad, but last night was different. They made up the next day, so I guess it was nothing too major and I didn't bother to ask anymore.

One of the things that scare me the most is to have my parents argue, when in the past days, everything was going the way they should be.

This will be a short update post, but before I end, there's something I need to say...that I don't want to fall for the person who once hurt my friend a year ago, and who just broke up with a girl from his class a few weeks ago. Dang. Sana mawala to.

AND ONE VEEEEEEERY LAST THING, GLOBE IS SO FREAKIN' UNFAIR.

Mata sa Mata

2007-01-29T03:09:00.000-08:00

I've been daydeaming about the guy who would sweep me off my feet though I'm sure I won't meet him that soon. But it doesn't matter, 'cause I'm actually having a fun time having eye contact with some guys I encounter in different places. Haha! Ilang beses nang nangyari sakin yun. I would spot a guy, look at him and somehow he'll feel my eyes on him, at mahuhuli nya ko. If I'm lucky enough to be noticed by that guy, we would end up having eye to eye contact. After nun, wala na! Pero at least, parang nakumpleto na ang araw mo. ^_^

Here are some scenarios that I remember, starting from the most recent:

* LAST WEEK, SA TAPAT NG MALL- we had an early dismissal so we decided to try out the Pizza-All-You-Can sa Greenwich (99php, you can eat as much pizza as you want, I only had 6, my friend had 17!parang vacuum!). So anyways, while ordering at the counter, I spotted a college guy together with his buddies. He was a college sophie because I know one of the friends he's with,so I assumed they're in the same year. Tall, messy hair, sharp eyes, and yes, I thought he was cute . Saglit lang kami nagkatinginan kasi dumiretso kami agad sa table namin. After we ate, we decided to check out some CD's. Guess what, I saw him again, and we ended up looking at the same shelf and I had urges to talk to him because he was looking right at me! (shamelessly, mind you). This time isang guy na lang kasama nya. Natawa na lang ako when we left, I saw him for the third time bago sumakay ng jeep. ^_^

* SA NUEVA ECIJA- I attended the Regional Training for Campus Journalists at Nueva Ecija and stayed there for three days. Sa unang araw, wala pang nagpapakitang gwapong nilalang sakin (please don't mistake me for a guy-hunter. trip-trip lang yung pagiging ganito ko), and for the first night (parang acquaintance), I saw this guy wearing a blue polo shirt at that time.Napansin ko sya kasi malikot sya sa kakatawa. Then,sabi nung emcee, we should smile at the person on the other row of chairs, and when I did, sakto he smiled at me. For the rest of the week, magkakasalisi kami sa pila ng food, or kapag may sessions. I found out his name was Aldaine, and he was from Pampanga. Nung uwian na, sabi ko sa friend ko, sana makita ko sya before going back to Olongapo, nag-SM San Fernando kami,and guess who I saw again with his teachers and classmates ^_^

*SA BAGUIO, TEACHER'S CAMP (National Leadership Training for Student Government Officers)- Held on Aug.16-21. Masaya, puro takas kami. Instead na makinig sa plenary session, punta kami ng Session Rd. or SM Baguio. When we arrived at the Teachers' Camp, napuno na yung place sa dami ng delegates so the other delegates, pati kami, napunta sa different hotels (we stayed at the creepy Concorde Hotel--sa sobrang creepy nagfu-full minsan yung status elevator kahit tatlo lang kayo O_O). I think its a big coincidence na yung naka-eye-to-eye-ko-dito-pero-never-nakausap, eh delegate from Pampanga. Matangkad sya, as in!, medyo slim but not that skinny. He looks like a model. I happen to see him at Albert Hall (mess hall) and sa group dynamics pag plenary sessions, kaso hanggang pag-uwi, I never got to talk to him. So far, I think he was the one I thought I should've really approached. =)

*LAST NA TO, SA JEEP PAUWI.- I was super tired this day(forgot the date). I can remember that this was a Friday. I was imagining myself hanging out with Mong Alcaraz (super crush ko sya kasi napakatalented nya),then someone wearing a red shirt stepped on my foot! Naka-kulay reggae pa syang hat. He was a little chubby, but it didn't matter haha. Siya nag-abot ng bayad ko sa jeep, tapos tinaggal nya shades nya and was reading a Psychology book. Akala ko nagbabasa siya ng seryoso, pero nung tinitigan ko sya mabuti to see if he's that good-looking as I thought he was, nahuli nya ko. Napansin ko din nakabrace siya which looked really cute on him; nakita ko kaso hindi ko alam kung natawa ba sya sa kalokohan ko.He closed the book and placed it back in his bag. Sometimes I'd look at him, pero nakadungaw sya sa bintana. Or I would pretend to look around but I would be hoping he's staring, though I'm not sure with this one, kasi parang serious ang tingin nya, but he doesn't look annoyed, mystified or dangerous hehe. Sandali lang ang moment ko kasama sya kasi maaga siyang nag-para.

So I guess it makes me appreciate na ang daming binagsak ni Lord na gwapong nilalang and that a geek like me could actually get noticed and smiled at. ^_^

Goong and Addiction.

2007-01-24T00:57:00.000-08:00

Ang story? Typical. Yung mga scenes? Predictable. Cast? Ang cute nila. So what is it about Princess Hours that I can't seem to evade? To the point na, pagdating ko ng bahay, pahinga, tapos gawa ng school stuff, then tulog! Mag-aalarm ng 10pm, pero naka-snooze pa yun so saktong 10:30 ako babangon,then I would be waiting in front of the television to watch it. Eto pa, realizing that commercials destroy my viewing pleasure and that I couldn't wait for the next chapter to "unfold" (wow), I've even decided to buy a DVD. In fact, I'll be buying a two-disc DVD (all 24 chapters na yun) in a few days. *whew!*

Ganito ang mga addict diba? If you're really fond of something, you would be willing to go hungry just to load up your phone (SMS addicts), spend just a few more minutes stretching to a few more hours just to get past that level (PC gaming addicts), spend even more to buy those new shoes that will just gather dust after a few days (shopaholics), overwork your body because you're too caught up with working (workoholics), swear to yourself you'll never touch Hersheys again but he just broke up with you so there you are finishing an entire bag by yourself (chocoholics)... you are mindlessly amused by what you do.(oops, I shouldn't exclude myself in this one. we all have certain addictions and the simplest hobbies and interests -->friendster?-- could turn out to be something more than how we see it.)

I've seen people be manipulated by their addictions, some end up worshipping it. This post is actually a self-reminder too, because I had to learn the hard way. I am a/an internet addict, SMS addict, music addict (all my original CDs are bought with my own savings. I never ask for my parents' money), C2 addict! (I think its dangerous, some of my classmates got UTI because of too much C2), puyat addict! (forgive me for the term)...and lots more.

About time I rehabilitate myself. Its a working progress, the way I see it, I need to work harder. A lot has changed in my life, and I just noticed it recently: my eating, sleeping and study habits have changed, and even in my behavior.

GOD, HELP ME.

PS: Aside from Meteor Garden, Princess Hours is another favorite Asianovela of mine, at ito lang talagang dalawang 'to, so far, ang "sinubaybayan" at iniyakan ko! ^_^

BLOG LEAVE.

2007-01-16T02:45:00.000-08:00

EXAM WEEK. >:)

will update soon.

Estudyante Blues.

2007-01-10T03:32:00.000-08:00

I am actually amazed that I've never been sent to a mental asylum for insanity cases.

I wake up so early in the morning, do the usual morning routine and head off to school.This is where my day really starts. For an hour, I would study Analytic Geometry, next would be Precalculus for another hour. Breaktime. Forty minutes of world history in Social Studies follows, another 40 for PEHM, last period would be Chemistry. *Two consecutive math subjects and I believe I cursed math since elementary,both lasting for an hour. A very short recess lifts my spirits up, but will instantly fail when I see my Social and PEHM teachers. Plus another hour of agony before lunch? Gaaah.The horror*

I WAS TOLD THAT A PERSON'S AVERAGE LISTENING CAPACITY (WITH HIS FULL ATTENTION) IS ONLY ABOUT 16 MINUTES.

After lunch, English comes in, but I have no problem with this subject. Next would be Physics, Advanced Statistics and last is Filipino. Maswerte na kung onti ang homeworks, eh natuto ako mag-cram nung nag-high school. Sinusumpa ko yung isang araw na lahat ng subjects sa umaga may PRELIM, tapos may mga homeworks sa ibang subject.Or sunod-sunod yung quizzes na matatawa ka na lang dahil tinadhanang ganun ang mangyari at nasisisi pa ang mga teacher (conspiracy theories!) kasi parang nakaplano.*

I was just pondering upon how students manage to work their brains this hard. An average of 6-8 hours in school for me...its been like this for 6 elementary years,3 (one more year)high school years...and there's still college.The human mind is so perplexing. I underestimated its strength and capacity...my own capacity.Its just earlier this day that it struck me "Wow, buti wala pang studyanteng nababaliw dahil puro na lang aral".

OH WELL. Sounds like I am complaining. Slight, I guess, but you'd have to agree that school life may be hated so much, but "there's something about it that makes me keep coming back to school everyday". Thanks to my best buds, we keep each other sane. =)

Kenshin and Kaoru.

2007-01-02T00:47:00.000-08:00

That's right. This post is about one of the veeeery few anime series I SERIOUSLY tuned into. Samurai X (Rurouni Kenshin). I'll just tell the summary and it would be up to you to absorb it according to how you can relate to it. I JUST THINK THE LOVE STORY BETWEEN HIM AND KAORU IS BETTER THAN ROMEO AND JULIET. haha.

* Battousai was an assassin during the Tokugawa era. A hired killer. An assassin = a murderer (of course.) His former life was dedicated to taking the lives of others using his sword. He was feared and known all over Japan, and the very sound of his name sends shivers to people's necks. Then something happened. The Meiji era entered, and Battousai was no more. He has died and reborn,now known as Kenshin, a wanderer.

Yet he was still identified as the assassin who ended so many lives and left more than scars to the families of those he killed. But stunning as it may sound, he changed his sword from a double-edged to a reverse-edged sword, therefore [still] causing pain to others yet no blood trickled. He then dedicated his life to saving and helping more people to atone for his sins...of which,the majority is the killings.

One of his murders was his own wife. It was also his wife who gave him the X-shaped scar on his cheek. He loved his wife so much but left with no choice but to murder her. Bearing that scar, his smiles carry a lifetime burden.

During his travels, he stumbles upon Kaoru and the dojo house where he dwells from that moment on. Kaoru has grown to love Kenshin but does not reciprocate during the early days. Kaoru was kidnapped by Kenshin's brother in law and said that if she means anything to Kenshin at all, he shall come and reclaim her, but if not, the brother will let Kaoru live. If Kenshin does show up, he will kill them both, as payment for killing his sister. Kaoru envies his ex-wife because she doesn't know how to be important to Kenshin, plus with his scar, she's having a much harder time.

Kenshin does appear to rescue Kaoru. Kenshin and the brother-in-law duel, yet Kenshin evidently lost because he was not in good condition, but driven by emotion, the brother decided not to kill Kenshin. He and Kaoru went home safely and Kaoru admits that she loves Kenshin so much, she'd be willing to do anything to make him happy. Its her great dream to see Kenshin smile at her from the bottom of his heart.

Soon after they marry and had a child named Kenji. Kenshin still continued his travels but would still come home to his family. At that time, he had a disease growing in him, a disease fatal and with no known cure at that time. Before leaving once more to continue travelling, Kaoru discovers his disease and fully accepted that Kenshin won't live much longer. They make love one night, with Kaoru deciding she wants to share the pain with her husband. In short, its her way of devotion, and she became just as ill.

The next morning, Kenshin sets off once more. A few months pass, the couple grew weaker...Kaoru was waiting for him to come home, Kenshin was just as anticipated. During Kenshin's last hours, Sanosuke, a friend, came to the shack where he was staying. He took care of Kenshin and helped him get home...back to Kaoru. He was dying. Its all because of all the years of war, wounds, battles/duels, emotional problems. He boards a cargo ship and walks from the pier to the dojo house with all that's left of him.

The cherry blossoms were blooming. Kaoru decides to get up, stumbling...(I WAS ALREADY TEARY-EYED IN THIS PART)...She sees Shinta (this was Kenshin's real name),they embrace, Shinta falls on his knees. "Welcome home Shinta". He replies, "I am home".

They settle by the river bank...and that's where Kenshin dies...on Kaoru's lap. Kaoru sees his cheek and the scar is no longer there. "At last,its finally gone" was all she said.She cried.It just means Kenshin has grown to love her so deeply and gotten over the burden of his wife's murder. I cried. And that's where it ends. =')

Kuya

2006-12-30T04:22:00.000-08:00

I miss my brother.

No, he's not dead. No, he didn't turn into a drug abuser or homicidal maniac. I just miss him because he's going to be a dad now.

Flashback!!! (cue: windy sound effects and black and white images)
*When we were younger, let's say he's 14 and I'm 7 years old (yes, we have a seven-year gap), we would watch wrestling and end up wrestling with each other.

*There was one time he hid something for me to find,made a map for me to follow for the sake of boredom-busting.

*Speaking of busters, we used to play Ghost Busters A LOT (usong-uso pa yun noon eh).

*If my parents are out and he's left with me, he would cook for me.

*He gave me a Spongebob stuffed toy one time for no reason (he knows I used to worship the Squarepants show haha).

...And a lot more.Everytime I remember that his girlfriend is 6 months pregnant, I can't help thinking...One day he'll totally move out of the house because he's starting his own family now (and its a good thing that he immediately found a job as a computer graphics artist),he'll soon marry and completely become a man, a FATHER.

You may not grasp what I'm feeling now if you don't have a brother, but for those who have one (or more), and you've grown to be close to him,I think you'd agree that there's a slight "emotional baggage" when it comes to these things.Truth is, when we got older, that was the real time we got closer because amidst all the childhood fun we had, he was a bully when we were younger and there were times he hurt me. Maybe because there was the thought that I'm a girl and I'm younger,he might've felt inferior.

He was a rebel in high school and that was our "dark time"...for all of us, especially my parents. It was when I got older,more mature that he began to understand me more because we both knew we're still growing together.Of course, the bullying had to stop right? And when it did, there were drastic changes. Once more, we're moving up to a whole new level. I'm just starting to be independent (towards college) and he's already building a home.

I repeat. I miss my brother. I guess the only thing that can comfort me now is to remind myself that he's still my brother no matter what. And he knows that I'm the only sister he can ever have so he should be happy too (haha).

Feliz Navidad Prospero Anio y Felizidad.

2006-12-24T18:39:00.000-08:00

Did I get the title right? Haha. OHWELL.
Here we go, the Great Christmas Update..and the Immortal New Year's Resolutions post. Gaaaah.Christmas was a little bland, but the food was awesome. I ate to my heart's content, yet I didnt gain too much!Huwahahahaha.

Anyways, I've been doing resolutions my WHOLE LIFE since I found out na uso pala ang New Year's resolutions...kasooo, poor me, hanggang paper or salita lang ako.Over the years I kept saying "Next year..."

...I'll be disciplined with my bedtime. Aaah, look at these eyebags.
...I won't be spending too much of my allowance kasi super lagi na lang walang natitira!
...I'll comb my hair more often haha
...I won't be conscious of my eating habits

Wow. Miraculously, I can't think of anything else to resolve! Gaaaah. This post, is for the sake of updating. Will be on a three-day retreat.

SEE YOU IN JANUARY DUDES.

Comrades No More

2006-12-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

My best friend and I have been buddies since 3rd grade. Now we're in 3rd year high school.
But don't be confused, its not me and her who has the problem...its a "her and a certain him" actually.
Once upon a freshman year, we were still ignorant with high school life. The first thing we decided
to try out was to make friends (yes, I kinda know how to socialize). First year high was actually the first
time I actually got close with guy friends. My best friend got specially close to this one guy.
Sa buong barkada, lahat tight. Kahit sa guy na yun malapit ako.Natuwa na lang ako when I found out that one day they like each other. Another cool thing is, they weren't the mushy type. You know they like
each other but the way they treat themselves is how I'd expect my brother to treat me.
Ang cute nila, as in. In short, they were
keeping it casual, and being the close friends that they are to me, they would both tell me things
that I know would eventually lead to something uhhh..romantic, I guess. OHOHO, BUT I WAS SO WRONG.

I think it was lack of communication and a MAJOR misunderstanding. Grabe, if you only knew. Mega
mortal enemies na sila ngayon. Its been almost a year since they last spoke to each other. I attempted to reconnect them, and my best bud was so willing to forgive the guy even if it was his fault, really.(Nonetheless,I'm not mad at him. What I do hate is the fact that they're now STONE COLD with each
other).Now my best friend is so happy with another guy who happens to be the exact opposite of the ex-best guy friend. Pero nabadtrip ata si ex best guy friend so he's taunting the new guy. YOU SEE?! That's how twisted things are.

Nothing changed between me and the guy, we're still in touch and all, but boy, those two could still explosively collide even without contact (if you know what I mean). I wish I could detail the happenings, but a lot has happened that I don't even know where to start.

One word: Sayang. Make it two: Sayang talaga. Goodness, make it four: Sayang na sayang talaga.

Busy Busy Busy

2006-12-17T03:55:00.000-08:00

I'll just wait for the Christmas vacation because school is still a monster. Will visit your blogs very soon.

hugs and chocolates.

Untitled. (laughs out loud again)

2006-12-12T04:53:00.000-08:00

My funny bone has activated itself. Natatawa na lang ako habang ipinopost to. Why? Be-cauuuuse, I'm thinking about my dateability. Haha. I've been thinking about this for quite some time because it amuses me to actually get ditzy about this "issue".

Let me get this straight first, I've never had a boyfriend but I have no plans of having one yet. Besides, my parents don't think its the right time. (I agree, I think 15 is still young to tire myself with a commitment). But what happens when I start to get formally courted? Will I be an ideal girl? Anong klaseng interrogation gagawin ng parents ko? Yung sa madilim na lugar pa ba na may gumegewang-gewang na ilaw?! Goodness. Though I try to deny, I think I'm actually worried.

Its so intimidating to imagine myself in the dating world 'cause I'm such a tomboy. I don't know how dateable I am, or if I'll end up being the friend,but never the girlfriend. Ouch yun ha, parang sa movies lang ah.

Anyways,I think I'm becoming insecure, being the inexperienced chick that I am when it comes to dating and stuff. I just don't know if I can handle it. (Yeah medyo mababaw lang to, pero if you're in my position, its really not easy. Especially if the way your parents raised you was to patiently wait and wait and wait, meaning your only idea of a boyfriend-girlfriend scenario is from others. Iba pa rin kung ikaw ang nandun diba?)

I'll just play it safe. Wish me luck. *grins*

The Art of Pinoy Rallies. (laugh out loud)

2006-12-08T05:17:00.000-08:00

Anakngtokwa'tbaboy(nadoubledead).
Wala akong maipopost na matino ngayon.Seryoso. Kasi naman. The pain! The agony! First day high ko ngayon.For the guys, sorry kung di makarelate. Gals, oo, first day ko kaya buong araw akong namimilipit hanggang paa sa sakit.

Anyways,my post is not about my dysmenorrhea or whatever, and I'm not even sure if
I spelled it right. Heck, tinatamad ako magspell-check.

Mga aktibista...ang sisipag nila mag-ipon ng ultraviolet radiation at polusyon ng kapwa nila tao(bukod sa noise pollution nila at air pollution mula sa perspiration ng mga kasama nila) dahil mula umaga, kainitan ng tanghali, hanggang oras ng gimikan,hala rally pa ren. Bilib din ako sa kanila kasi akalain mong artistic sila. Matiyaga sila gumawa ng mga effigy ni PGMA tska galante magprint ng mga flyers at mukha ng members ng Senado, tsaka with matching apoy pa! (susunugin din pala ang mga yun). Kelangan din may parang "yell" sila, syempre dapat amplified vocally ang nais nilang iparating. Ang mga rally ng Pinoy, kabisado na ng mga tagasubaybay ng balita sa TV.

Eksena ang mga rallyist no? But in a way I guess I admire them for their compassion (uh, right)and concern for the country. Sure they're "fighting for the greater good of the Filipino people". Sure they're brave...new age heroes if you must. Sure they are visionaries who have a goal; who chose activism as the resolution if diplomatic means are not effective.What I'm trying to say is, activists may not always be wrong, but they're not always right. Sometimes what they chose to do is not the best way and people end up getting hurt, yet we're being driven by a trashy political clamor,ran by greedy hands and minds, to stand up and do something so its not hard to imagine how they feel.I'm seeing both sides of the coin here, and as much as I'd like to say I'd rather be apathetic about the chaotic politics here, plus the very predictable rallies, I can't and I musn't. We can't and we musn't.

Dear. I hate politics more than ever. A living representation of absurdity (I forgot who said this one.This is just a quote).Pulitika...isang seryosong bagay na tinatawanan ko na lang. Ayokong maghintay ng milagro, pero ayoko rin naman maging aktibista.

I think the best way to see change in this country without shedding blood, or be desperate and continue diplomacy (which normally doesn't work) is to be the change we want to see in the world just like what Ghandi said. A little prayer wouldn't hurt either. This is the best time to be proud Pinoys,folks!

Sorry if this post is so-so.Nakafocus ang isip ko kung pano matulog nang hindi magkakaroon ng Red Sea sa bedsheets. Haher.

Only in the Philippines.

2006-12-05T03:16:00.000-08:00

* Today, I saw three cats run over by what seems like ten-wheelers. (one on the way to school, and two going back home-but I think one of them was a dog). What a lovely sight. Other countries have hospitals for animals. Heck, some cultures even worship them.

* Jaywalkers? Countless. As much as possible, I always cross the ped xing. No one or very few people follow this EFFIN' SIMPLE LAW. What sucks is sometimes its always the driver's fault if someone jaywalked and gets hurt. In the States, my grandparents said you're not breaking any ordinances if you run over someone walking outside the pedestrian crossing and you don't have to face charges; it is the 'victim' who would face the consequences.

* Is it that hard to pocket your gum wrappers or stick it in your bags and wait to arrive at home so you can go trash it there? Instead of letting it fly along the highway?

* Can those dudes with their beer goggles on at least wear a tank top when loitering outside? Its really disgusting to see their Buddha bellies all over the place.

* "No smoking". [Driver(titigil saglit sa kanto): "Boss, isa ngang Marlboro"]. Ohmygulay.

I encounter these almost everyday, but these three I happened to witness simultaneously today. As my head swirls from stress in school, hanggang pag-uwi ba puro perwisyo pa rin?

Pilipino talaga.

Promises As Sticky As Post-It Notes

2006-11-30T02:36:00.000-08:00

Scenario: You are caught in a decision trap. The situation could be anything...it can be a matter of life and death, or a relationship with someone.

**********

Sometimes it hurts when you can't say no,and end up saying 'no'. It also hurts when you end up saying 'yes',plant a commitment (and register a promise in the other person's mind), then all of a sudden, the wind changes its course...YOU BREAK THAT DAMN PROMISE. What's worse is, it stupendously became either a 'talent' or a 'hobby' of that person to break his words. Its not just the "tokis" type who would swear in a goofy manner. NO. What I happened to encounter were people I trusted so badly who looked TOO sincere, TOO determined to keep that promise and I was that OVERLY reliant and OVERLY expectant girl.

I don't know who I should feel sorry for. Myself for letting those conniving words get to my head? Or those people (this post is not just about one person, its about every single [broken] promise I heard so far in my lifetime) who dropped them?

Can you avoid these instances? Another issue, is it me or do I sometimes feel other friends of mine take me for granted? As if they remember me when they need me to accompany them in their wells of problems with their lovelives, when they need someone to help them out with their English projects...

Gah. I'll post no further. I'll stop here. Something else to post the next time (*Winks!). Poor little emotional me.

The Difference Between Cats and Dogs.

2006-11-28T06:15:00.000-08:00

Cat [Christians] have this "You pet me,you feed me,you care for me,I must be god" concept. Dog [Christians] have this "You pet me,you feed me,you care for me,You must be God" concept. See the difference?

Its in the book Cat and Dog Theology that I admire so much because it presents in the simplest way how two types of Christians could "pray the prayer", sing the worship songs, go to church, and still differ from the motives that they have(using cats and dogs as representations.)

The 'Cats' are a little hypocritical. They only glorify God according to the blessings they expect to receive in return, they do not want to leave out of their comfort zones and their vision of salvation is shortsighted. Why? Because while walking towards heaven, they're walking backwards as they move away from hell. Their idea of salvation is to secure to themselves that they will not go to hell because they have accepted Christ. In other words, they're missing the bigger picture.

'Dogs' however, while walking towards heaven, hell is behind them. They keep their focus on who they serve other than being attached to the thought of going to hell because this focus is what really matters.

Salvation and the death of Christ do not force us to be godly people all of a sudden. Its a message that means Jesus was the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE for our sins, because the wages of sin is death. He is the only one who can overcome death so He had to sacrifice Himself for us to be renewed and given a second chance...to repent and live a life pleasing in His eyes. If we choose to give thanks to Him and pray to Him,and glorify Him only in times of happiness and prosperity,forgetting His lordship when we experience trouble,then something is wrong with us.

God does not need miracle workers, but people who believe in Him, surrendering their lives to Him, not making Him a final resort, but the only reason for living.

I now take the Web as a tool to publicize how God has changed my life, my family,everyone else...how my life is not worth living if not for a cause of "dying everyday" to fulfill God's purposes for me. I didn't create myself so I cannot tell what the primay function of my existence is, but because I am created in God's image (and so are you),its He alone who can manipulate us.

I encourage you, whether you're already a Christian or not...please don't be a 'cat' and think that God exists to serve you and become egocentric, but be a 'dog' willing to obey his Master,so His glory could radiate through You and in turn, bless you so greatly and maintain a balanced relationship with Him like a Father to a child, loving Master to servant,Friend, Savior...everything else you could ever ask for.

Just believe.

PS: I highly recommend that book I mentioned :]

Mudra.

2006-11-25T21:17:00.000-08:00

My mother.
-had a security guard fired from Goldilocks from being sarcastic and being disrespectful.My mom's such a warrior.
-can criticize everything, from the way a person dresses,to politics, to how commercials nowadays are so corny.
-has highlights and had her hair straightened.Heck,she's already 43,I think she has every right to do whatever she wants.
-has more graphic t-shirts than me. O_O
-can annoy me to my guts with her incessant and tormenting blabbering.Exhibit A, she picks me up from school, and all the way from Kalayaan in Subic down to our home, she would ask me things,talk and talk and talk to her heart's content,ridicules me for being morena just be because she's a few skintones lighter than me...that kind of stuff.
-is maarte talaga.Even my dad agrees on this one.
-is like a tiger...no,a dragon...when mad.A very strict disciplinarian,perfectionist,protective,mega hygienic,sometimes the biggest universal KILL-JOY...but most of all:

I was conceived from her.
She constantly teaches me to be as strong as possible,keeping always on guard and standing firm for the right principles of life.
*She would wake up so early in the morning to prepare breakfast for us.*
Her sacrifices are incomparable.
She now works again because she knows it would help a lot,disregarding the stress at home and her personal life.
She's a leader.
She's beautiful.
She's God-fearing.
She's firm.
She's my mom
and I love her.

As I type this,LIGHTNING AND THUNDER STRUCK ME THREE TIMES saying: "You don't give her enough credit.Tsk tsk."

Emo Diaries series-Track 1

2006-11-24T02:59:00.000-08:00

Is it an obligation? Because my apathy cannot tolerate it. Is it my responsibility? But my negligence isn't affecting my conscience. Should I look for it? They say it must face its crossroads and come to me. Do I need to be impulsive with emotions or keep my logic and follow my gray matter?

Love is so complicated that you might not even think that the paragraph above is about love. Amor. Pag-ibig. Whatever. So twisted and deceiving. A guilty pleasure? I think not. I think it is an emotional guillotine. Yet masochism takes its place in love, because moments of pain could still ensnare the essence of admiration for the other party because love also causes blindness. I'll try no further [explaining how I perceive love]. In simpler terms, love makes the world go round. Period. Then again, ang corny ng buhay and the real fun thing about it is that love can either keep the sanities of men together or give them the madness they weren't expecting.

"MU".Crush.Boyfriend-girlfriend.Married.You're madly in love.You become hurt.You argue.Have some coffee and work it out.Reconciliation.Who's to blame?No one.Everybody happy.You get jealous.You test each other's trust.Commitment is self-explanatory.Some in secret,some are legal.Lucky you, "the parents" trust you enough for a commitment.You argue again,break up,and realize you needed some time "for yourself" or whatever unexcusable excuse (errr...right) you have to get out of the relationship.You miss the guy.He already has someone new.You hook up again because you feel that he's "the one".Guy misses you too.You talk it over.*POOF!* After 50 years,you're still together.And not even death shall put a period on your love story.

Love is ever so fun,isn't it?

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT - New Found Glory
Album:Coming Home

It was a cold California,
Even in the summer,
She was wrapped in a blanket by the pool,
There were rapid statements,
About life commitments,
A sense of heat that I couldn't bare to touch,
I couldn't bare it.

It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
Please stop your crying now,
Woah,
Woah.

There was staring and seclusion,
A fine tuned way of motion,
A face wrapped for a suitor,
The sound of hearts pumping at the same beat,
Coming 'round the corner,
In almost all directions,
A sense of heat that I couldn't bare to touch,
No, I couldn't bare it.

It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
(It's not your fault so please stop your crying now)

It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
(It's not your fault so please stop your crying)

Now you, wait for, something, to cure this,
Well I'm here, under your downpour.

No, woah.

It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
It's not your fault so please stop your crying,
It's not your fault.

It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
(It's not your fault so please stop your crying now)
It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
(No, woah)
It's not your fault so please stop your crying now,
(No woah, no woah) (It's not your fault so please stop your crying now),
It's not your fault, stop crying now,
(No...)

All I Wanna Do is Grow Old With You.

2006-11-22T05:33:00.000-08:00

Cue: Adam Sandler's "Grow Old with You" from the movie "The Wedding Singer". I forgot the date, but there I was...I just stepped out of the gate to cross the other road (to wait for a jeepney) on my way to church. I saw these two...this golden couple (but I think they've passed the golden year! they look really old), and the
grandma was still clucthing and suspending her arm with her husband's, and he slightly leaned closer to her as they walk past where I was about to wait for a jeep.
They walked a little further and I had this sudden urge to capture a picture of them,
because seeing how old they are, they're still so sweet and it just (though corny as this may sound) sort of "moved" me.

Adam Sandler's song immediately played in my head during that time...and seeing their smiles and their sweetness,I had the attack of the great Daydream Syndrome. (ok I just made that up)but yeah,aside from Deja Vu,I always daydream. And I imagined myself aging gracefully with that one person I never thought I'd put up with for so many years. And I still have no idea who that could be. Haha.

Magpakita ka na sa akin kung sino ka man! :]

Guess Who's Back.

2006-11-21T03:22:00.000-08:00

No more links. Just a chatbox. And a comment thingy. I'm back with my 5th blog since 2004. I know it sucks to keep changing (1)my layout, (2)my blog URL. hey, you can't really blame me. all of us are still on the verge of self-discovery, meaning we'd have to try out new things to fulfill that need to uncover an equally new angle of one's personality and interests.

so this is how its gonna be. i'd post no links, but i would be keeping track of those blogs i really love visiting.my tagboards still pretty much alive, so yeah...and that comment thingy from haloscan.

ayun! i was just so busy so i quit blogging for a while. told ya i'd be back. :))